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Cosmic1973Oct 7

WelcomerMirtazapine · active

Hi Leminaseri, From your posts it sounds like you're in total hardcore panic mode and are fearing the fear of fear, eg fearing things that haven't happened yet. Until you come down from that (which only time will do) you gonna struggle to settle. There's lots of what if this and what if thats in your posts. You're also indecisive and looking for others to decide what you should do. You've probably researched the hell out of your condition which is complex, so who do you trust most in the world to help now? Horowitz? Me? Your wife? Us on this site? You? What was the last dose you were stable and confident you were ok at? 6.8 I believe? If so, that's little difference to what you're on now. I believe a lot of your pain is chronic worry about things that haven't happened. You've got three choices, White knuckle it and stabilise Go back to your last stable dose and stabilise, Do something in the middle. What do you want to do?

Mirtazapine — 0.2mg — 1 year — actively tapering

L

LeminaseriOct 7

NavigatorZoloft · holding

"What do you want to do?" — @Cosmic1973

Great question. I don’t know. As I’m scared to get kindled. Usually I would say I will go back to 6,8mg, If that will give me the stabilization. But these kindling stories scared the shit out of me..

Zoloft — 6,52 — 5 years and 9 months — holding | without clinician

M

Maria A.Oct 7

LighthouseZoloft · active

I’m also awake for another sleepless night again. My pattern is only sleeping 48 hours now. Every time I don’t sleep my thoughts get so dark and if it wasn’t for my daughters, I can tell you for a fact that I wouldn’t be here. I also feel like I’m getting worse with this hold but all the doctors keep telling me to hold and not add anything else. How do you all cope with the dark thoughts when the pain is so bad?

Zoloft —50 mg to 15 mg — 8 years with a cold turkey and reinstatement in between— was liquid micro tapering, crashed at 14.275 mg and now holding at 15 mg.

L

LeminaseriOct 7

NavigatorZoloft · holding

"How do you all cope with the dark thoughts when the pain is so bad?" — @Maria A.

For me it’s my wife. But maybe our problem is that we always keep going for other people even if we love them so much. We lack self esteem.

Zoloft — 6,52 — 5 years and 9 months — holding | without clinician

M

Maria A.Oct 7

LighthouseZoloft · active

I can’t believe we both got so bad from a microtaper. It’s so angering because this was supposed to be allegedly safe and now I’ve destroyed my receptors and have no idea what my last stable dose was. I figured the jump back to 15 would help but it caused so much pain and suffering and I can’t tell if this is withdrawal or if it was from the updose but either way everyone just keeps telling me to hold and wait it out. I just dont know how much longer I can wait it out like this. I’m truly barely holding on by a thread.

Zoloft —50 mg to 15 mg — 8 years with a cold turkey and reinstatement in between— was liquid micro tapering, crashed at 14.275 mg and now holding at 15 mg.

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Cosmic1973Oct 7

WelcomerMirtazapine · active

Hi Leminaseri, Maybe that's your problem right there in that single response "I don't know. As I'm scared"

Mirtazapine — 0.2mg — 1 year — actively tapering

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Cosmic1973Oct 7

WelcomerMirtazapine · active

Hi Maria, Still better then no sleep at all, so every cloud. How do i cope with dark feelings? I give myself a mental slap and make myself think of something positive or do something constructive. When the dark thoughts return, i repeat the above. I tell myself that i've analysed my problem to death, I've made my decision and there's nothing more to analyse.

Mirtazapine — 0.2mg — 1 year — actively tapering

⭐

CatinaOct 7

Community AnchorEffexor

"I’ve destroyed my receptors" — @Maria A.

I know it may feel like this, but try to think of it more like an injury than destruction. Injuries can heal. You're not permanently destroyed by any means Maria, things will get better. I've been where you are right now, but I made it through and am doing so much better now. It's the hardest thing you'll ever have to do, but you must keep going. When I was at my worst, I wrote down a long list of positive affirmations to reassure me I was safe and train my brain to think as positively as it could. Maybe you could try doing that. Any little bit helps. Keep thinking of your daughters and how much they need you to hold on. Do it for them, do it for you. You'll be glad you did. The fact you're getting some sleep is a great sign. Sending you lots of love and support. 💜

Venlafaxine (tapering) - Current dose 17.28 mg
Trazodone - 50 mg
Synthroid - 25 mcg

“Your brain and body know how to heal. Trust the process and keep going.”

Please Note: I am not a healthcare professional. Any advice given is based on personal experience and that of others in the lay withdrawal community.

⭐

CatinaOct 7

Community AnchorEffexor

"I will lose my lovely wife. It’s so heartbreaking.." — @Leminaseri

Would your wife be open to learning a bit more about what you're dealing with and how to help you? You could share this document with her. https://taper.community/thread/ecea5d5c-ab7a-43f4-80b2-994bbee9fbf8

Venlafaxine (tapering) - Current dose 17.28 mg
Trazodone - 50 mg
Synthroid - 25 mcg

“Your brain and body know how to heal. Trust the process and keep going.”

Please Note: I am not a healthcare professional. Any advice given is based on personal experience and that of others in the lay withdrawal community.

anne noni mossOct 7

LighthousePaxil · holding

Great idea @Catina . Our spouses need education and support too!

atypical in presentation of side effects, super sensitive to small doses and general delayed responder. never took a psych med that didn't' make me sick immediately with infections and restless legs. have never been able to tolerate being on them, but have never had support to get off so I've been bouncing back and forth. i don't like capital letters. sorry.

Paxil — 1 mg — 2 yrs — holding until Oct. 7 doc appt.
Seroquel — 50 — planning taper |
trileptal -75 planning taper
prasozin 1 mg planning taper

started my psych med saga in 2001 and wish I never had. I had some difficulties with sleep and anxiety, but NOTHING like what was in store for me after trying every med out there. My last treatment center promised to "get me totally off" in 2022 but it was a lie. They just switched drugs and added more and more in a desperate attempt to help me "stabilize," so they could call me a "success story" once insurance stopped paying. I agree with those who state that this industry needs to change. AND I'm working on not being resentful about my suffering because it doesn't help anyone.

been on an off cocktails since 2001. Most recent mixture, prescribed in 2024: 20 mg Paxil, 150 Trileptal, 50 Seroquel, 2 mg prasozin, (for PTSD/nightmares.)

immediately went to 1 mg prasozin, and after 3 months cut to 10 mg paxil. No felt effects. Then went to 5 about 3 months later, (though I didnt' keep track so I'm rusty.) No felt effects. So, I've roughly been on 5 mg for a year and a half.

Side effects always force to to start tapering RIGHT AWAY.

I didn't start keeping track of my Paxil taper until this year. I went from 3mg to 1 in 10 months, using a liquid Maudsley-ish slow taper. Again, no felt effects until now.

October 2026...sleeping less and feeling more sedated during the day. Having trouble managing my social life without getting over-stimulated. Must set boundaries according to my body and not my heart.

Holding 1 mg paxil until blood work done and evaluated, and to see if build a social life that doesn't make me lose sleep. Sounds silly as I type it, but actually, nothing is "silly" on this ride! Everything is WILD!!!! LOL

Keeping all other meds the same. Sorry so long.

L

LeminaseriOct 7

NavigatorZoloft · holding

"Would your wife be open to learning a bit more about what you're dealing with and how to help you? You could share this document with her." — @Catina

Hey Catina thank you. I told her already everything. It’s just that I don’t believe this is withdrawal but rather a more serious thing.

Zoloft — 6,52 — 5 years and 9 months — holding | without clinician

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LeminaseriOct 7

NavigatorZoloft · holding

"It’s so angering because this was supposed to be allegedly safe and now I’ve destroyed my receptors" — @Maria A.

That’s the whole issue. It’s heart wrecking

Zoloft — 6,52 — 5 years and 9 months — holding | without clinician

⭐

CatinaOct 7

Community AnchorEffexor

"I told her already everything. It’s just that I don’t believe this is withdrawal but rather a more serious thing." — @Leminaseri

Okay, I understand. If they're able to read the information themselves from an objective source, that can also be helpful. Just a suggestion.... What do you think you're dealing with if it's not withdrawal? Keep in mind that withdrawal can mimic all sort of health issues.

Venlafaxine (tapering) - Current dose 17.28 mg
Trazodone - 50 mg
Synthroid - 25 mcg

“Your brain and body know how to heal. Trust the process and keep going.”

Please Note: I am not a healthcare professional. Any advice given is based on personal experience and that of others in the lay withdrawal community.

M

MamaLaOct 7

NavigatorProzac · holding

In the throes of my worst withdrawal, I also did the same thing…… searching everywhere for answers outside of myself and time, thinking/ feeling that there was something terribly more serious than withdrawal going on etc. , but I can honestly tell you, as others have said….. time and patience are the biggest hurdle we must cross. I am just “ back” from a 5 month hold where I questioned my life choices and sanity daily, and then one day , 4 1/2 months in, the switch finally flipped to the more positive side. Probably the longest 4 1/2 months of my life, and some of my journal entries definitely could have had me on an involuntary hold!!! My journal and the fear of kindling doing an updose were daily reminders to myself to keep going. We have to find the small glimmers( and sometimes they are micro small) to keep ourselves going. There is light when you get there 💕

Prozac — 2.16- tapering

D

DuloxiOct 7

Community AnchorCymbalta · holding

Maybe the same thing happened to you as happened to me—perhaps several small dose reductions accumulated over time! That could mean your nervous system effectively skipped one or more steps even though it hadn’t fully stabilized yet.

Cymbalta — 17,5mg(12mg) — 17 Jahre — holding -with clinician - 90 mg – 2021: First tapering attempt.
60 mg – 2023: Second tapering attempt.
With a doctor's supervision—but unfortunately, a doctor who doesn't know how to properly taper off an antidepressant.

⭐

CatinaOct 7

Community AnchorEffexor

"perhaps several small dose reductions accumulated over time!" — @Duloxi

This can definitely happen! Small reductions add up quickly. For those who are microtapering, it's good to give your system some good "hold" periods every now and then. This will make further tapering easier.

Venlafaxine (tapering) - Current dose 17.28 mg
Trazodone - 50 mg
Synthroid - 25 mcg

“Your brain and body know how to heal. Trust the process and keep going.”

Please Note: I am not a healthcare professional. Any advice given is based on personal experience and that of others in the lay withdrawal community.

anne noni mossOct 7

LighthousePaxil · holding

Great stuff! I need this. I am a delayed responder so I don't know which way is up most of the time.

atypical in presentation of side effects, super sensitive to small doses and general delayed responder. never took a psych med that didn't' make me sick immediately with infections and restless legs. have never been able to tolerate being on them, but have never had support to get off so I've been bouncing back and forth. i don't like capital letters. sorry.

Paxil — 1 mg — 2 yrs — holding until Oct. 7 doc appt.
Seroquel — 50 — planning taper |
trileptal -75 planning taper
prasozin 1 mg planning taper

started my psych med saga in 2001 and wish I never had. I had some difficulties with sleep and anxiety, but NOTHING like what was in store for me after trying every med out there. My last treatment center promised to "get me totally off" in 2022 but it was a lie. They just switched drugs and added more and more in a desperate attempt to help me "stabilize," so they could call me a "success story" once insurance stopped paying. I agree with those who state that this industry needs to change. AND I'm working on not being resentful about my suffering because it doesn't help anyone.

been on an off cocktails since 2001. Most recent mixture, prescribed in 2024: 20 mg Paxil, 150 Trileptal, 50 Seroquel, 2 mg prasozin, (for PTSD/nightmares.)

immediately went to 1 mg prasozin, and after 3 months cut to 10 mg paxil. No felt effects. Then went to 5 about 3 months later, (though I didnt' keep track so I'm rusty.) No felt effects. So, I've roughly been on 5 mg for a year and a half.

Side effects always force to to start tapering RIGHT AWAY.

I didn't start keeping track of my Paxil taper until this year. I went from 3mg to 1 in 10 months, using a liquid Maudsley-ish slow taper. Again, no felt effects until now.

October 2026...sleeping less and feeling more sedated during the day. Having trouble managing my social life without getting over-stimulated. Must set boundaries according to my body and not my heart.

Holding 1 mg paxil until blood work done and evaluated, and to see if build a social life that doesn't make me lose sleep. Sounds silly as I type it, but actually, nothing is "silly" on this ride! Everything is WILD!!!! LOL

Keeping all other meds the same. Sorry so long.

L

LeminaseriOct 7

NavigatorZoloft · holding

"Okay, I understand. If they're able to read the information themselves from an objective source, that can also be helpful. Just a suggestion.... What do you think you're dealing with if it's not withdrawal? Keep in mind that withdrawal can mimic all sort of health issues." — @Catina

She also believes that this will pass, when I stabilize. I will tell you everything in detail. First of all when I was pretty stable on my 6,8mg, I was enormously stressed out about developing PSSD, because I had serious issues down there. (Severe burning and numbness) The whole journey of consulting Horowitz takes here place. I started to think that this drug becomes neurotoxic to my body, and wanted a different opinion on what might happen to my body. So I consulted Horowitz. When we had our zoom call, he told me that he knows a better form of tapering, which is much more gentle, but also quicker than 10% per month (to that day i did 3% every 3-4 months as I felt pretty strong but self limiting symptoms after every drop). He explained it to me with an analogue of jumping from stair steps. He said “it is more gentle for your knees to jump 1 step every day or 30 steps every month”.. unfortunately it was extremely logical so I bought that idea. I started his method with 0,02mg per day. On the 6th day, I noticed chest activation (chest akathisia) which came before sleeping and continued after waking up. And then I realized, it was too fast. I must hold. By that time I was on 6,68mg. But simultaneously my genital symptoms continued to deteriorate. So I was in an extremely bad situation. I was doing bad for approximately 10 days. And then I stabilized. I still waited one additional week. But because my genital issues continued, I was still at the urge to taper this drug off. So 10 days after stabilizing I continued my tapering. But my sexual symptoms got worse and worse and worse. By that time my apprenticeship began. So when I arrived 6,52mg, I held again. Because I didn’t want to get these activation symptoms while going to apprenticeship. I began to get progressively worse on anhedonia, emotional numbness, and sexual functioning. I began to get extremely hopeless because I saw no way back from my genital burning and getting more and more numb always every day. I was convinced I’m developing slowly but surely PSSD. I worried so much about that, we argued with my wife. She told me to relax and take things easy, that the symptoms might not be related to the Zoloft or that they might resolve after quitting the drug completely. I began to cry almost every day thinking about my wife and that I’m not good enough for her. And then, 33 days after holding the 6,52mg the mentioned day came: I was having a nap. I woke up with incredible migraine-type headache. And I immediately noticed that I cannot think straight. The insane cognitive dysfunction deteriorated from that day till today. It was followed by inner akathisia, severe insomnia, very very worsened DPDR, emotional numbness, anhedonia. At first it was unbearable, so I updosed to 6,6mg, which is my current dose. And now why I think this might not be withdrawal: The first set of activation symptoms came immediately after 6 days. And they settled pretty quickly. While the next set came gradually over 33 days, with exploding completely on the 33rd day after holding without happening any activation before. This makes absolutely no sense. What I’m scared of: I’ve read countless stories of PSSD where people woke up with this kind of migraine and their thinking got never better again. And another thing is, if some people worry about something too much (which I did) our brain says “no that’s too much” and shuts the brain off. And that’s also something where the brain is very very stubborn to reverse. Insomnia got a bit better. Inner activation eased a lot. But cognitive symptoms are stronger than ever. I already said I’m incredibly good at seeing patterns. All of this just give me horror-vibes. To explain my cognitive dysfunction: I sometimes feel that I cannot think at all. It’s not gone entirely. There are still floating memories, concepts. Sometimes I imagine things. But extremely weak. Distant. Far away. And sometimes when I talk to other people, nothing is coming to my mind. No stimuli to my mind by reading or listening to someone/something. This is no withdrawal im afraid.. I hope I was able to explain understandable.

Zoloft — 6,52 — 5 years and 9 months — holding | without clinician

L

LeminaseriOct 7

NavigatorZoloft · holding

"Maybe the same thing happened to you as happened to me—perhaps several small dose reductions accumulated over time! That could mean your nervous system effectively skipped one or more steps even though it hadn’t fully stabilized yet." — @Duloxi

Thank you very much. Well let’s see..

"In the throes of my worst withdrawal, I also did the same thing…… searching everywhere for answers outside of myself and time, thinking/ feeling that there was something terribly more serious than withdrawal going on etc. , but I can honestly tell you, as others have said….. t..." — @MamaLa

I hope that I will go better as well. Thank you all❤️

Zoloft — 6,52 — 5 years and 9 months — holding | without clinician

⭐

CatinaOct 7

Community AnchorEffexor

Thank you for explaining that in great detail @Leminaseri. I know this is not easy for you. Tapering psychiatric drugs can be a very frustrating process with many unknowns. Sometimes there is no clear-cut answer. No matter what is causing your current situation, I think it's best if you just hold your dose for a very long time to allow your brain and body to adjust in whatever way it is able to. Cognitive issues are very common during withdrawal. Have you read the information we have about it? https://taper.community/thread/000107b8-389c-46af-8608-84de56432dbb You've already had improvements in your insomnia and inner activation, so that means you're heading in the right direction. Be careful with reading too many horror stories. It can really cause a lot of fear, which then exacerbates our symptoms. Your body is going to do what it's going to do, so sometimes we just need to accept that things might be hard for awhile until things can stabilize a bit. Show yourself some compassion and kindness right now. I know your wife loves you very much, she's just concerned. Try to take a break from thinking about all of this for awhile. Do something that is calming and relaxing for you. Focus on something else as best as you can. What you're going through is not forever. Take things just one day at a time. You're not alone! 🩷

Venlafaxine (tapering) - Current dose 17.28 mg
Trazodone - 50 mg
Synthroid - 25 mcg

“Your brain and body know how to heal. Trust the process and keep going.”

Please Note: I am not a healthcare professional. Any advice given is based on personal experience and that of others in the lay withdrawal community.

L

LeminaseriOct 7

NavigatorZoloft · holding

@Catina thank you very much. I hope so. But why 33 days after holding? But first time after 6 days? I hope you could comprehend the word salad I’ve wrote there. I’m sorry..

Zoloft — 6,52 — 5 years and 9 months — holding | without clinician

⭐

CatinaOct 7

Community AnchorEffexor

"But why 33 days after holding? But first time after 6 days? I hope you could comprehend the word salad I’ve wrote there. I’m sorry.." — @Leminaseri

The only explanation I can think of is that it was a delayed withdrawal reaction. As I said, some things with tapering and withdrawal don't always make sense. The brain is a very complex organ. I think you expressed yourself just fine, so no worries!

Venlafaxine (tapering) - Current dose 17.28 mg
Trazodone - 50 mg
Synthroid - 25 mcg

“Your brain and body know how to heal. Trust the process and keep going.”

Please Note: I am not a healthcare professional. Any advice given is based on personal experience and that of others in the lay withdrawal community.

anne noni mossOct 7

LighthousePaxil · holding

@Leminaseri ...I am a TOTAL delayed responder. I think we have it a bit harder because we never really know when a withdrawal symptom will kick in. I have barrelled through a taper in the past because I felt GREAT each time I went down on a dose. Nothing...crickets...but months later, I was hit with HELL. Hell so deep and black that I ran right back to the medications. This journey is HARD and UNFAIR. But here I am. I put the pills in my mouth, after all. Though I DO NOT BLAME MYSELF BECAUSE I WAS DESPERATE AND LOOKED TO AN AUTHORITY FIGURE TO HELP ME. Now I know better. There are no authority figures when it comes to my health. My doctors are my EMPLOYEES. It's a lot of work. But if I don't take control, I will be on this hamster wheel forever, doing what the doctors tell me. Thanks for being so honest and giving us so much to talk about!

atypical in presentation of side effects, super sensitive to small doses and general delayed responder. never took a psych med that didn't' make me sick immediately with infections and restless legs. have never been able to tolerate being on them, but have never had support to get off so I've been bouncing back and forth. i don't like capital letters. sorry.

Paxil — 1 mg — 2 yrs — holding until Oct. 7 doc appt.
Seroquel — 50 — planning taper |
trileptal -75 planning taper
prasozin 1 mg planning taper

started my psych med saga in 2001 and wish I never had. I had some difficulties with sleep and anxiety, but NOTHING like what was in store for me after trying every med out there. My last treatment center promised to "get me totally off" in 2022 but it was a lie. They just switched drugs and added more and more in a desperate attempt to help me "stabilize," so they could call me a "success story" once insurance stopped paying. I agree with those who state that this industry needs to change. AND I'm working on not being resentful about my suffering because it doesn't help anyone.

been on an off cocktails since 2001. Most recent mixture, prescribed in 2024: 20 mg Paxil, 150 Trileptal, 50 Seroquel, 2 mg prasozin, (for PTSD/nightmares.)

immediately went to 1 mg prasozin, and after 3 months cut to 10 mg paxil. No felt effects. Then went to 5 about 3 months later, (though I didnt' keep track so I'm rusty.) No felt effects. So, I've roughly been on 5 mg for a year and a half.

Side effects always force to to start tapering RIGHT AWAY.

I didn't start keeping track of my Paxil taper until this year. I went from 3mg to 1 in 10 months, using a liquid Maudsley-ish slow taper. Again, no felt effects until now.

October 2026...sleeping less and feeling more sedated during the day. Having trouble managing my social life without getting over-stimulated. Must set boundaries according to my body and not my heart.

Holding 1 mg paxil until blood work done and evaluated, and to see if build a social life that doesn't make me lose sleep. Sounds silly as I type it, but actually, nothing is "silly" on this ride! Everything is WILD!!!! LOL

Keeping all other meds the same. Sorry so long.

C

Cosmic1973Oct 7

WelcomerMirtazapine · active

I'm not being funny, but during severe withdrawal, the very last thing you feel like is a shag, especially if you've got extreme anxiety on top of it. IMO, you're over reacting with this PSSD worry. Seriously, chill out, stabalise and it all come back like a raging bull.

Mirtazapine — 0.2mg — 1 year — actively tapering

anne noni mossOct 7

LighthousePaxil · holding

I totally love the British expression "shag." makes me laugh so hard. But I know its not funny, the suffering.

atypical in presentation of side effects, super sensitive to small doses and general delayed responder. never took a psych med that didn't' make me sick immediately with infections and restless legs. have never been able to tolerate being on them, but have never had support to get off so I've been bouncing back and forth. i don't like capital letters. sorry.

Paxil — 1 mg — 2 yrs — holding until Oct. 7 doc appt.
Seroquel — 50 — planning taper |
trileptal -75 planning taper
prasozin 1 mg planning taper

started my psych med saga in 2001 and wish I never had. I had some difficulties with sleep and anxiety, but NOTHING like what was in store for me after trying every med out there. My last treatment center promised to "get me totally off" in 2022 but it was a lie. They just switched drugs and added more and more in a desperate attempt to help me "stabilize," so they could call me a "success story" once insurance stopped paying. I agree with those who state that this industry needs to change. AND I'm working on not being resentful about my suffering because it doesn't help anyone.

been on an off cocktails since 2001. Most recent mixture, prescribed in 2024: 20 mg Paxil, 150 Trileptal, 50 Seroquel, 2 mg prasozin, (for PTSD/nightmares.)

immediately went to 1 mg prasozin, and after 3 months cut to 10 mg paxil. No felt effects. Then went to 5 about 3 months later, (though I didnt' keep track so I'm rusty.) No felt effects. So, I've roughly been on 5 mg for a year and a half.

Side effects always force to to start tapering RIGHT AWAY.

I didn't start keeping track of my Paxil taper until this year. I went from 3mg to 1 in 10 months, using a liquid Maudsley-ish slow taper. Again, no felt effects until now.

October 2026...sleeping less and feeling more sedated during the day. Having trouble managing my social life without getting over-stimulated. Must set boundaries according to my body and not my heart.

Holding 1 mg paxil until blood work done and evaluated, and to see if build a social life that doesn't make me lose sleep. Sounds silly as I type it, but actually, nothing is "silly" on this ride! Everything is WILD!!!! LOL

Keeping all other meds the same. Sorry so long.

New question crossing my mind

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