Paxil · Holding · Sep 11, 2026

Tapering: Paxil

holding

222 posts

Pennsylvania

Anyone heard of dirty windows?

September 11, 2026

I’ve been experiencing less heavy waves but the windows are less calm. It’s almost like it’s annoying or frustrating to not be further along but I know I still have a ways to go. My physical symptoms have stabilized from reinstatement so I’m holding here. But I don’t think I’ve emotionally recovered yet from the severe rapid taper I was put on that caused severe withdrawal and a 2 week outpatient program.

Paxil — 20 mg — 20 years. Went off now back on — holding
Trazadone 25 mg
Buspar 5 mg two times a day
Ativan .25 at night

30 Replies

StuartSep 11

LighthouseEffexor · supporting

I can really relate to that frustration of making progress but still wishing you were further along. What you went through with the rapid taper sounds like it was an incredibly difficult experience, so I can understand why the emotional recovery might take longer even as the physical symptoms begin to stabilize. It’s encouraging to hear that the heavier waves are becoming less intense and that you’ve found some stability since reinstatement. Wishing you continued healing — it sounds like you’ve already come a long way from where things were. I often had to remind myself that people who go through a horrible physical injury (e.g., car crash with many broken bones) have a long road to recovery (1+ years). The brain is extremely complex compared to "a broken femur" so I tried to remain patient. I think a big part of the issue is that our world/society isn't very patient...especially if we have a lot of responsibilities in our life.

Historic experience tapering off: Citalopram 20mg | Zyprexa 2.5mg | Effexor 75mg | Valium 20mg

MashaSep 11

LighthousePaxil · holding

@Stuart you are so right. People don’t see this process as a true biological as well as mental healing. Simple things feel overwhelming. My brain was ( not permanently) damaged and has a lot of healing to do. It helps so much to come on these forums because we are the only people who truly get it. It takes time to recover from any trauma. But ours don’t have the physical scars so people can’t see it. And when they don’t see it they don’t get how real it is.

Paxil — 20 mg — 20 years. Went off now back on — holding
Trazadone 25 mg
Buspar 5 mg two times a day
Ativan .25 at night

⭐

CatinaSep 11

Community AnchorEffexor

"I’ve been experiencing less heavy waves but the windows are less calm. It’s almost like it’s annoying or frustrating to not be further along but I know I still have a ways to go." — @Masha

I've never heard of "dirty windows." You may have coined a new term. I know it's frustrating, I'm sorry. The healing process can be messy and muddied, but the fact you've seen improvement is a great sign. It takes lots of time....longer than we think or hope it to. It teaches us how to cultivate greater patience with ourselves, which can actually be a good thing. What are you having the most difficulty with at the moment?

Venlafaxine (tapering) - Current dose 17.28 mg
Trazodone - 50 mg
Synthroid - 25 mcg

“Your brain and body know how to heal. Trust the process and keep going.”

Please Note: I am not a healthcare professional. Any advice given is based on personal experience and that of others in the lay withdrawal community.

MashaSep 11

LighthousePaxil · holding

I think I head the term dirty window on this site! Someone quoted Abby Peacock I think. I’m physically much more stable. Eating etc. I reinstated and am holding. But I’ll still annoyed by how limited my capacity to do things feels. Simple errands feel big. I’m only 6 weeks out from a major withdrawal crash and I feel like progress is so painfully slow.

Paxil — 20 mg — 20 years. Went off now back on — holding
Trazadone 25 mg
Buspar 5 mg two times a day
Ativan .25 at night

MashaSep 11

LighthousePaxil · holding

I struggle with knowing if my lack of motivation is a temporary circumstance or will get better. I don’t feel like my old self.

Paxil — 20 mg — 20 years. Went off now back on — holding
Trazadone 25 mg
Buspar 5 mg two times a day
Ativan .25 at night

MashaSep 11

LighthousePaxil · holding

Angie Peacock***

Paxil — 20 mg — 20 years. Went off now back on — holding
Trazadone 25 mg
Buspar 5 mg two times a day
Ativan .25 at night

MashaSep 11

LighthousePaxil · holding

Anyone struggle with feeling stuck?

Paxil — 20 mg — 20 years. Went off now back on — holding
Trazadone 25 mg
Buspar 5 mg two times a day
Ativan .25 at night

⭐

CatinaSep 11

Community AnchorEffexor

"I struggle with knowing if my lack of motivation is a temporary circumstance or will get better. I don’t feel like my old self." — @Masha

It's most definitely temporary! Your poor brain has been through a lot, and just like with any injury it takes time to heal. Don't push yourself past what you can handle. Honor your limitations as you continue to heal. Have you read these articles yet? https://taper.community/resources/blog/windows-and-waves-withdrawal-pattern https://taper.community/thread/26b781b7-f7f2-480c-8bc7-b893e9b6f802 Hang in there it does get better with time!

MashaSep 11

LighthousePaxil · holding

Thanks Catina! I have a few windows and then a wave and it’s so discouraging. My physical symptoms have stabilized but my emotional ones are all over the place. I get so worried about lack of stamina and motivation and joy that I think I trigger a wave. It’s unsettling and frustrating.

Paxil — 20 mg — 20 years. Went off now back on — holding
Trazadone 25 mg
Buspar 5 mg two times a day
Ativan .25 at night

MashaSep 11

LighthousePaxil · holding

I have read those and they certainly help me understand and to help others understand too. As I’ve said on this site a lot, the only people who understand are those who have gone thru it themselves! So keep speaking up everyone!!

Paxil — 20 mg — 20 years. Went off now back on — holding
Trazadone 25 mg
Buspar 5 mg two times a day
Ativan .25 at night

MashaSep 11

LighthousePaxil · holding

Does anyone deal with windows that are super low and don’t feel like. Windows? Like yes this isn’t a wave so why aren’t I happier about it? I’m afraid of developing depression as I go through the windows and waves. My world feels so small

Paxil — 20 mg — 20 years. Went off now back on — holding
Trazadone 25 mg
Buspar 5 mg two times a day
Ativan .25 at night

MashaSep 11

LighthousePaxil · holding

I’m reinstating and holding 5 weeks in. I’m still really struggling even in windows. Like I know it’s not a full wave but it’s a very rough window. My earlier windows were calmer so this is a weird development for me. Do windows and waves even apply to reinstatement?

Paxil — 20 mg — 20 years. Went off now back on — holding
Trazadone 25 mg
Buspar 5 mg two times a day
Ativan .25 at night

Maria A.Sep 11

LighthouseZoloft · active

Hi Masha- I think I’m in a similar spot as you right now. I’ll have one good day followed by a bad day- it’s dependent on whether I’m able to sleep the night before or not. I will say today was a wave day but then I got a dirty window and have sat here the rest of the day. It’s so frustrating because yesterday was such a good day but my understanding is that these waves and windows means we’re slowly healing and stabilizing. I can understand why you’re frustrated and I feel the same way. It’s crazy that going from 14.275 to 15 mg Zoloft has been almost as bad as when in acute withdrawal from a cold turkey but I just remind myself that I got better before and will get better again. We just need to be patient (easier said than done of course).

Zoloft —50 mg to 15 mg — 8 years with a cold turkey and reinstatement in between— was liquid micro tapering, crashed at 14.275 mg and now holding at 15 mg.

MashaSep 12

LighthousePaxil · holding

I’ve reinstated Paxil so while I’m not still tapering ( I stopped because the taper was too fast and I had severe withdrawal) I am in a stage of seeing if Paxil can reset and compensate for all the time I was off it. There’s no guarantee and we have so little support and guidance. Except forums like these. The medical field has no clue. Are you tapering under a doctors care?

Paxil — 20 mg — 20 years. Went off now back on — holding
Trazadone 25 mg
Buspar 5 mg two times a day
Ativan .25 at night

MashaSep 12

LighthousePaxil · holding

So you had to go up from 14.75 to 15 just to stabilize? Wow I’m so sorry. That sounds so awful.

Paxil — 20 mg — 20 years. Went off now back on — holding
Trazadone 25 mg
Buspar 5 mg two times a day
Ativan .25 at night

Maria A.Sep 12

LighthouseZoloft · active

Doctors have absolutely no idea. I have a prescribing doctor that knows I’m tapering so he calls in the liquid formula but doesn’t participate in the process. I came up with the taper plan with Dr. Mark Horowitz and it was working fine until my body crashed. I honestly think the taper rate was too fast for my body but I was wanting to be off the medication before my 40th birthday and pushed myself to go too fast. I’ve since updosed and the updose has been horrific but I’m almost at 14 days tomorrow. I think once my sleep stabilizes, it will get much better.

Zoloft —50 mg to 15 mg — 8 years with a cold turkey and reinstatement in between— was liquid micro tapering, crashed at 14.275 mg and now holding at 15 mg.

Maria A.Sep 12

LighthouseZoloft · active

Yes but in hindsight that was too big of a jump. I should have updosed at a smaller dose because that jump from 14.275 to 15mg was insanely activating for me. It actually makes sense because I had been at 15 almost a month before I actually got to 14.275 so basically all the receptors that upregulated during that process basically had to downregulate all over again.

Zoloft —50 mg to 15 mg — 8 years with a cold turkey and reinstatement in between— was liquid micro tapering, crashed at 14.275 mg and now holding at 15 mg.

MashaSep 12

LighthousePaxil · holding

I pray you get the relief you are hoping for. My taper was directed by an NP that had no clue so she took me off so quickly I had severe withdrawal for 6 weeks thinking it was just the switch to Lexapro but I ended up in the ER. The psych there put me back on Paxil immediately. I’m 5 weeks in and still struggling.

Paxil — 20 mg — 20 years. Went off now back on — holding
Trazadone 25 mg
Buspar 5 mg two times a day
Ativan .25 at night

Maria A.Sep 12

LighthouseZoloft · active

Atleast the pysch recognized it was withdrawal and reinstated it. I it seems like you are on your way to stabilizing back on Paxil. 6 weeks isn’t too long of a time to reinstate again so hopefully you’ll get relief sooner rather than later. My first reinstatement took 8 months and I was polydrugged and eventually landed on Effexor, Clonazapam and Hydroxizine. I was eventually able to taper off the clonazapam and Hydroxizine and then made the switch back to Zoloft and stabilized. It was the most horrific experience of my life and I honestly have ptsd from it which is probably why this updose has been so triggering for me.

Zoloft —50 mg to 15 mg — 8 years with a cold turkey and reinstatement in between— was liquid micro tapering, crashed at 14.275 mg and now holding at 15 mg.

MamaLaSep 12

NavigatorProzac · holding

Have definitely heard the term before, and feel like I experienced one today, however still grateful that it was somewhat of a window rather than a wave. We got this!!

Prozac — 2.16- tapering

MashaSep 12

LighthousePaxil · holding

Wow that’s a lot. I’m so sorry. So it took 8 months to get off the last 2 drugs and then you switched from Effexor to Zoloft and now are tapering off Zoloft?

Paxil — 20 mg — 20 years. Went off now back on — holding
Trazadone 25 mg
Buspar 5 mg two times a day
Ativan .25 at night

Maria A.Sep 12

LighthouseZoloft · active

This all happened in October/ November 2022 and lasted until May/June 2023. I wouldn’t recommend this for everyone but what ended up working for me was ketamine infusions. They allowed me to make the switch from Effexor back to Zoloft and helped after I finished tapering the clonazapam and Hydroxizine. I then held the Zoloft 50 mg for a year. I then dropped from 50 to 20 from end of 2024 to end of 2025 with some holds and then started the liquid microtaper in January of this year and crashed in August 2026. After this whole horrific experience, I will definitely be staying at 15 mg for a long long time.

Zoloft —50 mg to 15 mg — 8 years with a cold turkey and reinstatement in between— was liquid micro tapering, crashed at 14.275 mg and now holding at 15 mg.

Flyguy10Sep 12

LighthouseProzac · supporting

@Masha That's an interesting term and I like it. I feel like all my windows are dirty. I'm not even in a good day/ bad day spot yet, I measure my windows and waves in hours. More sleep definitely helps, and despite the withdrawal while awake, I'm sleeping better most nights. I definitely don't have it as bad as you did as far as intensity. Good luck moving forward, I hope you are stable again soon. I'll add you to my prayer list.

Valium — Started 02/2025, max of 20mg — current 10mg - holding | Lexapro 5mg - Started 9/25 | Prozac 10mg — Started 8/13/26 — Ended 9/2 | Cymbalta 20mg - 1 month, 40mg - 6 months, 60mg - 1 month, 90mg - a few days, 60mg - 1 month, 40mg - 15 days, 20mg - 3 weeks, discontinued 8/13/26 | LDN 4.5mg - 1 year - discontinued | with clinician

MashaSep 12

LighthousePaxil · holding

@Flyguy10 where are you in your taper? Did you reinstate? I think if I understand your notes you are using Prozac to come off Cymbalta? I will pray for you too.

Paxil — 20 mg — 20 years. Went off now back on — holding
Trazadone 25 mg
Buspar 5 mg two times a day
Ativan .25 at night

Flyguy10Sep 12

LighthouseProzac · supporting

@Masha I stopped altogether with the SNRI/ SSRI. Psychiatrist wanted me to switch again to Lexapro. I got sick of the merry go round and just want to ride it out. I was put on the Cymbalta for pain and it did nothing. I'm sure I tore something in my upper and lower core two years ago but doctors won't listen and called it fibromyalgia. Took a year of me pushing to get a hip MRI and my labrum is torn, got another ortho to order a separate MRI last week and I have scarring across my pubis and ramus so I was right. The upper portion is worse, my chest burns so bad. Trying to clear out the noise of the drugs that did nothing but create new issues like dry mouth making it harder to swallow than it already is for me. New orthopedic finallly taking me seriously and I have a couple referrals in the works, so hopefully some answers soon. I feel like a muscle ripped clean off the underside of my rib cage, same sensation as the groin but 100x worse. As far as drugs I'm holding on the valium until I stabilize with the hot flashes. I honestly don't know how much of the fatigue is coming from pain and what is coming from the meds, but the hot flashes are definitely discontinuation symptoms.

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