Vacation report/thoughts on further updosing

Hello lovely people. Our vacation with my wife comes to an end. Tomorrow we will travel back home. It was surely not the best vacation of my life, as obviously. But I did it. Walked around like a zombie. Fucked up my wife with me getting suicidal at times. But yeah. It is what it is. I will return to work on Monday. And if the almighty god help me, my next vacation will be at Christmas. As you know, five days after the crash, I increased my dose from 6,52mg to 6,6mg. I don’t know if that made things better or worse, seriously. I think it slightly reduced the haywire in my ANS. I wake up 1-2 times instead of the 5-6 as in the beginning (but my sleep is still catastrophically bad). But all the other symptoms are still pretty bad (or going somehow worse). My question: Today it has been 29 days since the last updose. Can I consider further updosings? At this point, it isn’t important to me anymore to be on the drug or not. For me, surviving is the biggest issue. Idealistic thoughts like “being free of psych meds” or “unlocking my full potential” aren’t anymore eligible goals for me (at least for now). So do you see that I could benefit from a very slow and gradual updosing still? And let’s say I don’t and continue to hold. How do I know if I’m kindled, in protracted withdrawal, or simple withdrawal? And how can I distinguish between the original condition coming back? I’ve read every resource on the internet on this topic, but I don’t get smarter. How do I know if holding is the right decision? People in my situation who are not familiar with tapering and withdrawal would get to their psychiatrist and they would either updose them back to a therapeutic dose or they maybe would even switch them to another. In most of the cases they would stabilise, no? We always look on everything from an anti-psychiatric perspective and withdrawal narrative. How do issues like mine work for people who are not familiar with withdrawal? Thank you very much.