Last 2 days really rough.

Dear @Overthis66, I'm new as well and a total idiot at math. I think there is a way to DIY the water tapering with pretty simple ratios, but unfortunately, I don't know if that's an option for your specific drug. Mine is Zoloft, and from what I've learned, it's somewhat soluble. I also can't say how much of the "sucking" is hard-coded and how much is preventable. All I can say is that I have totally given up the idea of going "fast" in any way, shape, or form. I tapered from 25mg to 22.5mg, which is a 10% drop (hah! See how I did the math?), and I got the bill 7 days later. I now get "Existential Art" like Edvard Munch paintings. Not by looking at them, but from a first-person perspective, if you know what I mean. So, I plan to reduce only 5% next time. I wonder if something like 2% every week would be even better than, let's say, 8% a month. You see? So many questions, so few answers. And what works for one might not work for another. As others have pointed out, journaling might be really helpful. Like meticulously tracking symptoms and doses to figure out the right cruising speed, if such a thing even exists. I'm sorry I just bring more questions and no answers! But I still wanted to say hello. My hope is that if everybody adds a piece to the puzzle, no matter how small it is, it might eventually create a bigger picture for us all. At the very least, we won't be so isolated in our thoughts. Sending you a hug, and wishing I could send you a window, Gigi

Hi @Overthis66, I feel for the position you're in and can sense your frustration with this crazy process. I started my own taper with a strict timeline of how I wanted things to go, but I've since learned to heed what my body is telling me and adjust things accordingly. How are you cutting your dose? Are you using a pill cutter? It's important that your doses are consistent. Have you looked at the Ashton Manual yet? https://www.benzoinfo.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Ashton-Manual.pdf One important lesson I've learned along the way is that slower is faster.

@Catina, thank you for replying. Yes. I had read over and over the Ashton manual and others. I’ve read 3 really amazing books. Even showed the first with all my notes to my dr. He said he was impressed and he’s never had a patient do so much research. Which I told him that I do that on everything. This is a huge part of my life. Need to know all I can. Yes. I have a pill cutter. My evening dose I cut in 1/2 and then cut that on 1/2 to remove the 1/4. After trying that second taper of removing a 1/4 in the morning I went back to the 5mg and I’m just waiting. Waiting to make sure I’m stable. I’m starting to feel like I gotta make a cut no matter what. But I know that isn’t the right mindset. Every day isn’t bad and ugly. I absolutely feel it every day, but most are manageable and I make the most of each day. I think the last 2 days I started feeling down. Just stuck. Ya know? You wanna keep moving. But I also know for my brain and body it has to be slow. So I need to stop looking at the calendar and overthinking everything. I need to get to that place where I’m okay with it taking a long time. Part of me feels I’m on more medication, a higher dose than ever in my life. So I feel like I would feel better with a lesser dose but dang it, I can’t get there. As I started with .25 of Klonopin 6 years ago. Then 5 months ago after ER visit stopped klonopin, started 2 mg of Ativan, which was way too much medication and I hated it. It was an awful 6 weeks of that, then stop and start the Valium. So it’s been 2 months now I think of the Valium. I was hoping I could come off quickly, but again, I guess it’s still an accumulation of all the meds? Of course they’re out of my system, but my brain? I think I have so many questions. Questions my dr can’t even answer. This is the only medicine I take, besides my Synthroid for thyroid and I take Fioricet for migraine and tension headaches. It’s literally the only med that works. Which i recently understand it also works on GABA in the brain. I had no idea. So, is this helping or hindering the process! So I’ll remove that Oct 2 date and just see how I’m feeling and give myself time. Thanks again, Catina!!! 🤍🤍🤍

@Gigi.0809, hey. Great to connect. I tried Zoloft before starting klonopin 6 years ago. I started and thought it would be great as I’m so sensitive to meds, but month 3 came all the side effects. Nerve pain in legs and ugly all body rash, so then came the Klonopin to where I am today. Yay 😁 We would make for great friends with our math!! 😂 I thought my math was pretty darn good until I’m seeing all the percentages and measures. Holy moly. Yeah, right now with my brain trying to focus, a math equation isn’t going to work. 😉 I get everything you’re saying. Yes, for one is it preventable by going much slower and less cuts? I think my body is more in line with 5%. My first cut, which in my brain I was thinking as a 1/4 cut. Well that cut took me from 10mg to 8.75. I think it was Catina who helped me see that. That was a whole lot more than a 10% cut. That’s how great my math is. 😁 So through a few mistakes I’m learning. Slow and easy, but my brain is still thinking, let’s get on with it and get it over!! How long have you been tapering? Thanks for sharing with me. Hugs right back to ya! 🌻🌻🌻

@Overthis66! So nice to get to know you indeed!

"That’s how great my math is. 😁" — @Overthis66

--> That's sad... and hilarious! 😂 ❤️‍🩹

"How long have you been tapering?" — @Overthis66

I don't know if my 10% taper attempt counts since it crashed and burned, but if it does, I started on September 12th. (So you are exactly 10 days ahead of me! --> no calculator used, I swear!). Before that, I was just skipping doses based on the medieval directions I got from my doctor. Honestly, I'm kind of glad that method made me feel so horrific, because it meant my reaction couldn't just be dismissed and swept under the "she's just crazy" rug. Plus, it made me find this place.

"let’s get on with it and get it over!!" — @Overthis66

Hell, yes. Let's do this! But very, very, VERY slowly 😅 Thank you for your reply and for making me laugh. I so hope you feel better soon! 🌼 🫂 🌼

@Gigi.0809, oh my gosh!! Your comment made me laugh out loud!! Thank God for a sense of humor in this madness!!! Medieval is spot on!! The, “break your pill in half”, if they only knew half it!!!! I too am now happy my second appt failed. I can see the light ahead in this madness. I can slow down!! You know what, we don’t have to prove anything to anyone!! I’ve had people say, “Just stop if you want to stop!” Or “Oh, I see. You’re addicted to your medication!” No, you big jerks!! You can’t just quit. If it was that easy none of us would be here!! And thanks, but no I’m not an addict. I’m dependent!! Totally different. So when I think of it, I’m not sure my doctor knows math either!! 😂 I hope you have the best kind of day!! 🌻🌻🌻

@Overthis66 there are many of your thoughts I relate to. Slow is the name of the game. I think none of us knew how to do the math, I not even knew that these drugs needed to be tapered, I learnt it the hard way, but here I am. I was stable at 1 mg of Clonazepam than my physician updose it to 2,5mg, I was very furious, he just added months of tapering and as far as I know reinstatement should be done with small doses. Anyway, the brain needs time to recalibrate little by little. Take your time and be gentle with it. Imagine we have used three or four drugs on our skin and now it's irritated, we will need time to heal, the brain is not the exception, it's the the body commands center, that says it all. If you have to spend more time tapering go for it, if you have to hold for a bit, do it, better safe than experiencing very symptomatic days.

@Azul, thanks so much for these words of encouragement!! I’m sorry you too are going through this. I hate it that others are going through it, but I know I’m not alone. I appreciate your words and wisdom. At least for today, I’m doing much better in my thinking. You guys have helped me!! I’m not overthinking. It’s kind of, “It is what it is!” I had in my mind dates and when I “wanted” to be done. For all of us, that date would be today. But since my second failed taper, I actually learned!! Let’s not do that again!! I’m not overthinking. When I’m feeling bad, sometimes it’s even just a few minutes at a time, but I’m learning, Hey, my brain is healing!! I’m understanding these effects more and more and realizing, okay, this sucks, but I’m okay!! Today was actually a really good day. I’ll share when I’m ready for that next taper! Blessings to ya.

"this sucks, but I’m okay" — @Overthis66

I need a T-Shirt with that slogan 😜 I am so glad you had a good day! Wishing you many more of them. ❤️