Vent and bookending

November 3, 2026

I’m at a point today where I’m really afraid of what’s to come, and upset by what’s already occurred. How deep is the hole I’ve dug myself into with meds? Is it true that I’ve been taught to categorize normal emotions as anxiety/mental illness? I really think have I really been relying on medication to avoid/repress my emotions and have really experienced emotional blunting, thinking the meds were doing their job in treating my so-called anxiety. Luckily I’ve already halved my dose, which means I’m 50% closer to my current goal. I imagine I have years of learning to do when it comes to properly recognizing and coping with difficult emotions. I’m also mad that the truth has been right in front of me the whole time- my mom and previous counselors from when I was a teen always said I avoid my emotions, said I “bottle everything up”. Why did no one actually try to help? How could I have known this is what happens if you don’t properly deal with things? How does a person end up being allowed to use an anti-depressant solely as an emotion-suppressant? Am I a different person without medication? I have been feeling more and more like my old self (pre-medication) lately, re-embracing things I used to do/enjoy, etc., though that person was a teenager in a vastly different situation and environment than I am now. Mostly unrelated but just as frustrating: I’m having trouble focusing today and haven’t gotten much work done. The answer should be so simple (do something else/something that makes me feel good) but I feel so guilty not being “productive” in the way that makes me money but I think I’m going to accept that and do literally anything else from the overwhelming list of tasks I have been avoiding for a few weeks. Going to try “bookending” here - • wash dishes • put away clean clothes • vacuum • mop • finish appendix to report L235 • finish additional documents L3000 • complete map for survey • call mom (not aiming to do everything today, just leaving it here to celebrate later when I get it done)

Effexor — 35mg — 5 years, 10 months — holding

1 Reply

anne noni moss43m ago

LighthousePaxil · holding

Thanks so much for book ending and sharing your thoughts! We are all on a journey to learn who we are and how the meds have affected that. But I want to encourage you: I really believe that who we are doesn't change...the meds can't do that. They do affect our lives, but who we are inside is too deep for meds to change. I believe I have power over that (well, God, for me...but you know what I mean.) You have much to look forward to in discovering your emotions!!! Good and bad, they are all signals about what you want and need in life. We are here to support you in that exciting journey. Yes, we have all had pain, but it is GLORIOUS to be human. You are pretty smart...I can tell already. So that makes discovery all the more exciting I think. So many angles to look at . But brain fog and lack of concentration does happen on these meds and in withdrawal. So..you are not broken to feel that way. That's why I started the "bookending" thread because I really need support in getting things done. Welcome!

atypical in presentation of side effects, super sensitive to small doses and general delayed responder. never took a psych med that didn't' make me sick immediately with infections and restless legs. have never been able to tolerate being on them, but have never had support to get off so I've been bouncing back and forth. i don't like capital letters. sorry.

Paxil — 1 mg — 2 yrs — holding until Oct. 7 doc appt.
Seroquel — 50 — planning taper |
trileptal -75 planning taper
prasozin 1 mg planning taper

started my psych med saga in 2001 and wish I never had. I had some difficulties with sleep and anxiety, but NOTHING like what was in store for me after trying every med out there. My last treatment center promised to "get me totally off" in 2022 but it was a lie. They just switched drugs and added more and more in a desperate attempt to help me "stabilize," so they could call me a "success story" once insurance stopped paying. I agree with those who state that this industry needs to change. AND I'm working on not being resentful about my suffering because it doesn't help anyone.

been on an off cocktails since 2001. Most recent mixture, prescribed in 2024: 20 mg Paxil, 150 Trileptal, 50 Seroquel, 2 mg prasozin, (for PTSD/nightmares.)

immediately went to 1 mg prasozin, and after 3 months cut to 10 mg paxil. No felt effects. Then went to 5 about 3 months later, (though I didnt' keep track so I'm rusty.) No felt effects. So, I've roughly been on 5 mg for a year and a half.

Side effects always force to to start tapering RIGHT AWAY.

I didn't start keeping track of my Paxil taper until this year. I went from 3mg to 1 in 10 months, using a liquid Maudsley-ish slow taper. Again, no felt effects until now.

October 2026...sleeping less and feeling more sedated during the day. Having trouble managing my social life without getting over-stimulated. Must set boundaries according to my body and not my heart.

Holding 1 mg paxil until blood work done and evaluated, and to see if build a social life that doesn't make me lose sleep. Sounds silly as I type it, but actually, nothing is "silly" on this ride! Everything is WILD!!!! LOL

Keeping all other meds the same. Sorry so long.

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