Tapering Venlafaxine (262.5 mg) — Stuck Between Side Effects and Withdrawal

Hi everyone. My journey started in June 2023 with anxiety and OCD. Two minimal meds did nothing, and there was little psychiatric support in my area, so I traveled far from home for help — but things only got worse. Doctors escalated me from 5–6 medications a day to as many as 14, and every time I said I felt worse, the dose just went up. I was completely unaware of what the meds were doing to me. At one point, a relative suggested homeopathy in another area, and — not knowing how dangerous it is — I stopped the antidepressants cold turkey. I was suicidal for 12+ days. I will never forget it. I then restarted the meds and have been on Venlafaxine for the past 1.5 years — currently 262.5 mg (75 mg morning + 150 mg night + 37.5 mg night). But the side effects — drowsiness, itchiness, debilitating dreams, intensified anxiety — took over the show. My actual anxiety and OCD are manageable with exposures; it's the medication that has been hindering my recovery all along. Recently I tried tapering: my doctor cut the 37.5 mg tablet in half (18.75 mg down), and severe withdrawal hit almost immediately — suicidal thoughts, intense flu-like symptoms. I went back to the full dose, and even 15 days later I still get withdrawal flares on and off. So I'm stuck: staying on the meds = tremendous suffering; withdrawing = tremendous suffering. Has anyone tapered from a similar dose? How did you manage the withdrawal waves, and did a slower method (percentage taper, liquid titration, bead counting) work for you? Thank you for reading — wishing everyone here the best.