STVE longtime Effexor Taper, Check-in and Introduction.

Introduction at second paragraph. Holding since about 1 month 32,5 after a failed taper to 31mg. Feeling fair. Been having bouts of anxiety. After 3 bad days i feel vigilant and only lightly foggy. Optimism about a better career path decision than the one i had a few days ago. Hoping this window holds longer before the possible next wave in a few days. Holding until feeling stable over at least 2-3 weeks without a crash. Introduction: Ritalin since age 10, sometimes depressive phases on it. Cycling over different generics, after complaint getting on Captagon (Fenetyllin), life worked pretty well on it, only sleeping problems and quite emotional distancy. Captagon production stopped in 2010. Getting on Amphetamine (Attentin) + Fluoxetine. Felt a little hypomanic, severe sexual sideeffects, emerging panic attacks and more sleep disturbances. Convinced to stay on. Sometimes Cannabis to get sleep. Severe crash into a real Depression after another 3,5 years. Feelings i‘ve never felt, so horrible, constant suicidal ideation. Lost my place at medicine university. Off the Fluoxetine and immediately high dose Venlafaxine 300mg, 50mg Lamotrigine, short term Lorazepam. Needed 2 years to stabilize but suicidal Ideation and feelings of not being me again stayed. Sexual problems and dissatisfaction. Started heavy drug use to feel anything again. Doc stopped treating me and i searched ways to find out what the hell happened to me. Got another med from a different Doc, Quetiapine for sleep. Found a more holistic functional blood tuner doc. Blood tests showed literally no serotonin in peripheral blood (feedback suppression) aswell as dopamin depletion. I started my slow taper journey at the start of 2018. Lamotrigine and Quetiapine was quickly tapered off successfully. Venlafaxine not: Horrible withdrawl at every taper. All these feelings were never part of my life before antidepressants, not even with the stimulants. Needed 8 years to get to 32,5mg. Withdrawl symptoms and quality changed again now with hitting the SERT-occupancy. Feeling like i lost at least 15 years of quality life and career, while i had a quite privileged start at life before antidepressants. I survived dangerous phases and am still fighting. Pretty free of drugs, only sports, music and the hope to get another med free chance in life. Taking another shot at university again. It‘s still a long way to go. I’m grateful for the people that helped me on my way. Keep on surviving, mates!