Intrusive thoughts: when to know if it's you or your withdrawal symptoms?

Hello beautiful souls, I am going to get very personal in this one. In this post I wanted to get more specific about the intrusive thoughts. I don't know for you but for me, it has been I think the most difficult symptoms to deal with along with the vomiting one and not being able to eat anything and the electrical shots I get in the back of my head and neck. But I find that what triggers all of it are these thoughts that I also call obsessive because that's what they are for me. Prior to taking any of these medications, I had worries and emotional problems and that's what led me to have a complete physical health crash (infections that lasted for days and quite severe anemia) so I was very very weak and it freaked me out. hence, what it triggered my panicky states and it was more and more difficult to get through them. ( I also had just moved to a city where the only person I knew was my ex so I felt completely lonely) During my withdrawal episodes, the first one was due to benzos and that one hit really really hard. That thing was horrific to say the least. it lasted for four months (acute) with very long waves and short windows. Then, for a whole year and more I was trying to get a normal life back but in my life I still had many things to deal with. Finding a job in what I have studied, find some financial stability and knowing people and building a life in a place where I would feel home. During this year I was on Paxil 15 mg. But I felt that something was off even when I was stable. I was so flat. the carrier I once dreamed of seemed to mean nothing and this worried me and made me feel lost. anyway, now I'm getting to the intrusive thoughts. My goal at this point is for me to know if this is only me or some of you are going through the same thoughts. I know that my life situation right now is a little uncomfortable, meaning that I still have to figure things out, work, where to live, etc. But I'm in withdrawal, these thoughts become so intense that they bring all the symptoms that make me just want to give every thing up and let myself (s word you get me). and some of these thoughts are :

• "the day is very long and I have no idea what to do with it "
• "you will do things only like autopilot mode and with no will o pleasure"
• "you have no pleasure on doing anything so how can you go through this very very long day"

--> ANXIETY gets worse and things become difficult to do when I would go out to a place I've never been to, thoughts are : -" I am alone here, no one knows me" -" wherever you go, you'll always feel like this" -"so you have to go back home (another country)" -" but even there you'll always feel oFF and you'll be miserable" --> ANXIETY gets triggered more to the point where all the physical symptoms come. other thoughts are : -"see? everything is so difficult in this life and it will always be like this" each time some little things get difficult, I have to deal with myself believing that. so, can anyone get more specific about their intrusive or obsessive thoughts or the triggering thoughts that make you prefer not waking up in the morning? I think if we share these thoughts, we can all see if there are any patterns that are obviously due to the withdrawal and we can be able to differentiate whether our brain is under a crisis in that moment or it's just something we can listen to. has anyone recognized himself with these thoughts? PS. even now that I am writing this, my brain is telling me this so worthless.