How much to push myself?

Been stable for 14 years after a manic episode due to pristique.
Stable on for at least a year
Depakote 500mg
Lamictal 100mg
Latuda 20mg
Klonopin 1mg
Can’t remember all other medications over the years but Latuda I have been on for at least 10yrs and klonopin over 10
Depakote since 2023
Lamictal since 2024

my psychiatrist that I was stable with for 14 years had started with Latuda down to 10mg in March I had really bad insomnia but nothing else that I really realized, wasn’t able to continue with my doctor unfortunately so I started with a new doctor reproductive psychiatrist in July. July 18th she cut my depakote from 500mg to 250mg and stated to increase lamictal every week by 25mg - I was dizzy, blurred, vision, headache, anxiety, heart pounding but also moments of calm. She told me to see a neurologist and that none of my symptoms were from the medication and what did I know so I just kept going until at 175mg the symptoms were so unbearable I just went back to 150mg she approved that hold and, one of the days I was so anxious I accidentally took an additional 10mg of latuda and it calmed me down. She wanted to hospitalize me after a week or so to help me get off of medicine because I was so sensitive to changes. So then on August 31st saw new doctor and was on 250mg depakote, 150mg lamictal, and 20mg Latuda and 1mg of klonopin.
I felt fine except I started to feel hypomanic and anxious so I went down on lamictal to 137.5 and my mood plummeted and went back up to 150mg and then a bit manic and the cycle continued and every time I had a symptom went back up and down until I just was like let me stay at the same regimen. I stayed at 137.5mg of lamictal for 3 weeks and everyday was torture I was crawling out of my skin couldn’t function unless I was talking to other people. And I’d cry for hours when I was alone. He told me to start taking Ativan 0.5 mg 3x a day. Then I went down to 125mg lamictal and stated having major tremor and pacing my doctor told me to go down on Depakote 375mg.

Current Regimine:
375mg Depakote
125mg Lamictal
1mg klonopin
20mg latuda

Now since going to 375mg I’m so nauseous, dizzy, blurry, unable to focus, anxious and my doctor finally said to hold at this dose. Also in there was mentioned a beta blocker for anxiety. I just don’t want to keep adding medications it’s too much. I’ve been alone off of work for my “international” trip that I canceled for 8 weeks and am supposed to be back at work October 12th

I wish I found you a long time ago. I told my first doctor we need a slow taper but little did I know. But I also strongly believe everything happens at the right moment.

I went to urgent care for blurred vision, to my PCP for headaches, and to a neuropathologist for light sensitivity. I thought I was nuts.