77th Effexor Update - Feeling Bad

Thought i had 2 good days. Went out dancing on friday, met a lot of people that recognized me. But no fire to approach a women. What should i tell her, even when feeling okey i feel like a shell. Saturday meeting with old friends. They through old stories about me, how i organized the biggest and best parties, how i was smart kind and hot and every women in school wanted to fuck me (thats not even a lie), that i wasn‘t the kind of asshole those guys typically were. Also the quiet part that this isn‘t the case anymore. And they don‘t even know how my last 16 years of unenjoyable sexless and painful life were after the pills. It was nevetheless kind. But times changed and on those parties are no women anymore, or unapproachable. Also i‘m not funny anymore, just struggling. Had to leave earlier as i was unbelievable tired suddenly. Today is horror. I‘m in pain and i feel like only halfway conscious and feel inflamed. I cried. I would do anything to stop this. But it‘s not fair i should trade my again slowly increasing sexuality for it. Psychiatry has destroyed my youth, my options and the kind person i were. I can‘t go out in this condition also i look like shit, crazy and sad. God this i no life anymore! I‘m in rage mode, i feel like this is a punishment for the perceived „luck“ i had in my early life. Luck that i barely enjoyed, because yes, i was sensitive. Fuck that. I‘m not sure what to do next. I so much want a kind prostitute with me now. I want to go out but i‘m not funny kind or even really conscious in this condition. I don‘t want to repell the friends still inviting me. I practiced and exercised. Slept at least okey. Guess i just lay in bed now as i know there is nothing i can do but wait it out. Fuck.