Hi, I'm songbird

I’ve been medicated (against my will) since age 9. I have just about every single diagnosis. I had no choice in the matter as my parents used to sneak medication in my food. I was given ADHD medication, SSRIs/trycyclics, antipsychotics and benzodiazapines all before the age of 18 and I believe these all monumentally impacted my development. I recall being prescribed Quetiapine in high school, for what I now know is Complex PTSD but was told was ODD at age 15; and my brain has never been the same since that period of time. A few months later I was given 40 mg of fluoxetine to mitigate the side effects from the Quetiapine. Prior to this I had never experienced rage or irritability or anger. These drugs created an artificial sense of irritation within my psyche and created behaviours that were out of alignment with my organic nature. In 2015 when I started university and ended an abusive relationship while on a large dose of Fluoxetine(80mg) and (30mg) of mirtazapine I was told I was experiencing a hypermanic episode of bipolar disorder 2 and this label has followed me around since despite not demonstrating any behaviours of that before or after the medications in conjunction with the stress of starting university. The mood stabiliser they prescribed me called Sodium Valproate caused me to gain 30kg and develop hormonal issues like PCOS & PMDD. I have not been the same since. I have a diagnostic list that is so long, since I have been treated for these things since 2002. But I am currently diagnosed with CPTSD & ADHD & PMDD. These medications have taken away my career, my academic trajectory, my social life, my motivation and willpower and my ability to function in the real world. I never had a normal childhood or adolescence as I was poly drugged on these drugs without being informed of the impact these drugs would have on my function long term. I had no idea when I was given a benzodiazepine for PTSD related anxiety as a teenager that could lead to a lifelong dependency. I had no idea that the anti depressants I was forcefully given at age 9-16 were going to impact me for decades after that, although I have never been clinically depressed. I had no idea the anti psychotic I was prescribed at age 15 would create a state of dopamine deficiency and had a myriad of side effects, such as tachycardia , reduced cognitive function, brain fog, extreme fatigue, irritability, low frustration tolerance, akathisia, metabolic disorders and artificial insomnia. I am here now I am older ready to reclaim and restore what decades of psychiatric harm has taken from my life, and find support and bring awareness to the damage these medications can cause. If I had known I would’ve never taken them, not that I had any ability to consent at the age I was started but, I often wonder how my life would’ve turned out had I never been forcefully drugged and medicated by my parents. I completed my final SSRI/SNRI taper last year. I had been on and off fluoxetine most of my adult life and in February 2025 my doctor switched me onto venlafaxine and it was such a horrific ordeal I came off it cold turkey 3 months later. After that week of withdrawal, I knew I could never take another SSRI/SNRI ever again. I stopped mirtazapine earlier this year, that taper was done properly. I came down from 30 to 15 stayed on 15 for 6 months and then switched from 15 to 7.5 for another 9 months. I then did a water taper down to 3mg of Mirtazapine and jumped off the mirtazapine at the end of June 2026. I have lost 20kg since stopping mirtazapine. I am in the process of actively tapering diazepam and holding right now at 5mg. I had a 7 month cold turkey detox back in 2024 when my GP left unexpectedly and then in July 2024 I went through a house fire and started back on 30mg of diazepam a day to deal with the stress of that period of time. I have dropped down to 5mg of diazepam as of present and will continue the taper slowly when my housing and environmental situation stabilises. I’ve dropped down from 100mg of Topirimate and I’m currently on 25mg. I plan to drop to half of these next. I have really bad PMDD related migraines without it. I did come off Topirimate earlier this year but I reinstated it as I was prescribed it for migraine relief and other migraine treatments haven’t worked. I take 300mcg of Clonidine at night for my ADHD & PTSD and I don’t really have any plans to taper this anytime soon. If that changes I’ll struggle as I have extreme issues with blood pressure regulation due to stress response/sympathetic overdrive. I know these medications have stolen most of my life, and I have been poly drugged repeatedly and watched my life fall away each time. It is only once I start to remove the medications I see the devastation this has had on my functioning. I know my case is a little more complex than most due to the complexity of the medication regime and I mourn for the simplicity of the days where I did not take a litany of pharmaceutical medications and as a result my life was more simplistic. I am functionally disabled but as I piece this together retrospectively I think it’s more due to the poly drugging and less due to my CPTSD. I plan to partake in holistic and non-medication based treatments for that as I move forward in my tapering. Thanks and it’s great to be here