Hi, I'm Lilredd

I was placed on Clozaril and Depakote at the young age of 16. During that time I was going through a lot of situational stress and I feel the medications were a type of band aide covering up a more serious wound. The medication really did not help me it just made me gain weight and become sedated. Over the next 20 years I would be placed on a whole myriad of various antipsychotics, mood stabilizers, and antidepressants which caused symptoms ranging from insomnia, severe anxiety, depression, and psychosis. About 5 years ago I reached a very dark period where I was basically attempting suicide every day. I felt out of my mind. This led to multiple hospitalizations and eventually incarceration. By then I was probably on 8 different medications at the same time. Then I was sent to a mental hospital for 8 months where I was taken off many of the meds I was on. But this is when things really turned around because for the first time, I actually felt good, like myself again. I was on about 400 mg of Clozaril, but under doctors care reduced it safely to 200 mg without any return of symptoms or withdrawal and my Lithium was left the same, but 100 mg of Zoloft was added for anxiety. It was just such a relief because for all those years I seriously thought there was something wrong with me and I believe it was all of those medications I was placed on. I put a lot of trust and faith in many of the doctors placed in my care, and I realize now that they did not really know if any of the meds they were prescribing me were really helping me at all. But that's what brings me here. Today I am still on Clozaril or Clozapine 200 mg, LIthium 900 mg and Zoloft 100 mg, and feeling much better. But the side effects especially the Clozapine have really been unbearable. Since Clozapine slows my gut, chronic constipation is an everyday occurrence and this weighs on my mind constantly because of the chance of a bowel obstruction despite a regimen of Osmotic laxatives, Colace, and a gut friendly diet. So I am here hoping I can learn more about tapering antipsychotics like Clozapine safely and find support and guidance along the way. I hope my story can help others on their own journey of coming off psych meds safely and successfully.