Hello, I'm Stephanie

Hi @Stephanie M, welcome! I'm sorry you have been through so much, but please stop blaming yourself for what has happened. It's not your fault. You did the best you could with the information you had at the time. I don't think your situation is hopeless or that you're permanently ruined. It may take some time for you to stabilize though, so be patient and gentle with yourself. Before you began tapering the Gabapentin, did you feel like your nervous system was stable? If not, it might be best to wait until you reach some sort of stability first. Many people have reinstated at too high a dose. I updosed by too large an amount once, which activated me for awhile, but I reached a point where I felt like I could taper again. You may want to look over this information about Hypersensitivity and Kindling: https://taper.community/thread/f76a3f22-7cb8-40d6-9fd8-bd7bf50f3657 For now, I'd focus on consistency, patience, and allowing some time to pass so things can stabilize a bit before attempting make any more changes. Please stop blaming yourself and let go of the idea that you've made irreversible mistakes that can't be undone. There is absolutely room for hope that you can find your way out of this. You're not alone. Reach out anytime. Hugs, Catina 💜

Hello, I’m writing because I can identify with your feelings of disappointment with past decisions. My journey with medication has been a long one, over twenty-five years. I have made choices in life that I am still processing. There is much regret, but here is the good news. Despite being triggered by a traumatic work situation where I decided to leave, I decided to go off all psych medications. At the time, I was taking 150mg Lamictal, 25mg of Seroquel at night for sleeping, 60mg of Cymbalta, and occasionally 1 mg of Lorazepam when needed. This was approximately one and a half years ago. Currently, I am down to 15mg or so of cymbalta and the occasional use of Lorazepam. My situation is complicated. There is past trauma, and through research, I have decided that I am on the autism spectrum. I struggle with anxiety daily and handle it with prayer and journaling. I have a supportive husband and friends. I am going as slow as I need to go and often return to a higher dose when needed. My goal is to get off and stay off, but I do struggle with wanting to just quit cold turkey some days. I hope this helps.

@Catina Thank you so much. I don't think I am stable to taper, actually, so I'm holding. I only went down from 900 to 890. I'm feeling the switch to liquid. I'm wondering if I should just go back to 900 and stay on the capsules. I tapered out of fear of deepening dependence and time on the drug but my body is telling me it's not time. What confuses me is if you're so kindled and reacting to the drugs you're on but tapering would be destabilizing, is holding ok or does it keep the system in fight or flight since the drugs are irritating it? It seems like a lose lose situation.

"What confuses me is if you're so kindled and reacting to the drugs you're on but tapering would be destabilizing, is holding ok or does it keep the system in fight or flight since the drugs are irritating it? It seems like a lose lose situation." — @Stephanie M

It's okay to hold as long as you need to. Making more changes can upset the apple cart even further. Holding is an important part of this process, but it takes patience and time. Hang in there and reach out anytime. 💝