Going up to your original dose may be your biggest step forward

Hi there dear tapercommunity, We are all here on our own journeys. For me it was 8 weeks of my brain, my body, my soul, my whole being paying ping pong. I appreciate there is both a time and a way in which it’s helpful to think about tapering. 1) What stressors are present at the time of beginning a taper..stress induces the fight or flight response and it’s often hard to discern what withdrawal is from stress and what it the medicine or I want to start to refer it as something else, I’m not sure what to call it but medicine implies healing and I truly believe it’s our own innate body that does the true healing. It been incredible for me to experience that my heart rate drops and my body relaxes, normal appetite returns when I’m engaging in activities that I enjoy. How is that possible if truly there is an illness, wouldn’t it be constant..In any event I think the timing of taper is critical and looking deep inside oneself knowing they have support and support may just be a routine..something to engage in that will be beyond the taper 2) Now this I discovered in the community..how the taper is done..what pace..what other “medicines” are in the mix. Including vitamins or supplements. Our bodies are so so sensitive yet also so enduring. I was what literally felt like a carpet yanked under me about 8 weeks ago when my dose of depakote was cut in half - yes 50% and lamictal was raised..Yes! Very fast and I caught myself but after 8 weeks of turmoil of different concoctions and making every effort no matter what to stay out of a hospital - there was absolutely no need..NO NEED..the “symptoms” of anxiety, light sensitivity, crying spells, headaches…were from the carpet being pulled out so fast. I finally said enough is enough, and said STOP we are holding back what my original dose was. The first week I had light sensitivity headaches, appetite fluctuations, nausea, but at the one week mark I feel like I turned a corner - I was out of the RED danger…It’s not fully back..but close 500mg of depakote, 125mg of lamictal instead of 100mg originally and 20mg of latuda at night and 1 mg of klonopin. It’s a wild mixture (another topic for another time) but I am stable) I am functioning and enjoying life. I will taper and do it very slow and the way forward for me was to go to my original dose. The balance of pushing through withdrawal and ping ponging with up and down medications to chase symptoms is a fine line to walk and then knowing when to go back. Hang in there dear friends!! We got this!