Anxiety

Hi Ani, Yes, it does exist. I know it all too well, and I can understand how frustrating it is. It’s affecting me a lot at the moment too. It’s so frustrating—I can barely listen to anyone anymore or take part in social interactions. What is it like for you? Were you stable and free from anxiety at a certain dose?

I know how crippling this symptom can be @Ani, believe me. Please don't feel bad for expressing your struggles, that's what we're here for. Have you checked the Guides tab in the Symptoms & Self-Care and I Need Support sections? They contain a lot of helpful articles and tips on how to deal with anxiety. I have personally found EFT Tapping to be helpful, exercise, warm baths, and just keeping things as low stress as possible. I try not to push myself past my limitations as far as socializing or planning too many things in one day.

@Duloxi , exactly everything feels overwhelming. I actually bought a tent for my room to hide away and have some kind of safe space. I was mostly managing during the slow taper until a low dose. I started making plans, had fun, took on new challenges. But 3 mg seems to be some kind of barrier for me personally. Even a reduction of 0.1 mg seems to be a big challenge and knocks me out. I stabilize after a few weeks but the reduction still causes a strong reaction. I thought about making even smaller reductions but without the liquid form it's a challenge for sure. Also considering staying on each dose for a longer time as an alternative. Scared to get better just to make myself sick again later.

@Ani, first of all, you are not being "doom and gloom" at all... "It's a visceral, fundamental kind of panic, I sometimes call it existential dread, I feel like in the upside down in stranger things, that's what I always say." — @Ani It absolutely IS. I would not have believed this type of panic even existed until I went through it myself. It is way worse than anything they originally tried to treat me for. You are not exaggerating at all. You are superhuman for reaching out while in the middle of it. Regarding your fears, I hold onto a quote from Anders Sørensen: "Withdrawal is not a preview of who you are without the drug." Also, when I was terrified that my past fast tapers had permanently ruined my brain's ability to heal, our fellow community member @songbird told me: "I think the power of neuroplasticity is underrated... I think you will be okay, nothing will be permanently “sunburnt” and everything will heal as it should especially if you are resuming a micro taper." I think she has a point there and that it actually makes perfect logical sense that you won't stay this anxious—even though it's incredibly hard to believe when you are in the thick of it. Regarding your post: "I thought about making even smaller reductions but without the liquid form it's a challenge" — @Ani Correct me if I misunderstood, but if Zoloft is only available in pills or capsules where you live, there is a method to crush or empty them, dissolve the powder in water, and use oral syringes to be incredibly precise. It makes micro-tapering a whole lot easier. Here are the instructions I found: How to make sertraline liquid suspension: You will get 25ml of sertraline 1mg/ml liquid suspension. You will need a pill cutter, 10ml, 5ml and 1ml syringes, and a jar (or similar) for mixing. 1) Cut a 50mg tablet in half. Crush ½ tablet between two spoons over a small plate. Keep the other ½ tablet for tomorrow. 2) Place the crushed ½ tablet into 25ml water in a jar or similar. Shake or stir to disperse. 3) Measure prescribed daily liquid using a syringe and consume. The liquid may have a bitter taste and slight numbing effect on the tongue. Take care with hot drinks and food. 4) Make this liquid suspension fresh daily. Discard any unused liquid into the rubbish. Personally, I have 25 mg capsules (France), which makes it even easier—I just empty one capsule into 25 ml of water to get a perfect 1mg to 1ml ratio. With a standard 1ml oral syringe, this gives you the ability to measure micro-drops as tiny as 0.01 mg at a time. I really hope this helps and that I'm not just repeating things you've already tried (my brain is definitely a bit foggy these days!). It is hell, but as Eleven managed to survive the Upside Down (and you can't convince me otherwise), we will dig ourselves out of this ordeal, too. The biggest hug from a fellow frightened doomer 🫂

The anxiety that I have endured during withdrawal is like nothing I had ever dealt with before. The doom and gloom is real and so frustrating when seemingly calm conversations and events can lead to an all out meltdown of panic and fear. It took me a long time but I have come to understand that my system just does not tolerate simple life at points during my taper. I can say however that after a long hold, the majority of these symptoms have decreased and almost completely disappeared which leaves me very convinced that we do heal!!! This also is something I have written in my journal numerous times to remind myself if the overwhelming panic returns when I resume.

@Ani, yes, just take it day by day. I absolutely love that you built yourself a tent. Think of this group as the campfire right outside of it—whenever you feel up to it, you can just step out of your tent and join the circle of fellow members sitting around it, trying to keep each other warm. Please never stop reaching out, even when (if you're like me) your brain tricks you into feeling like a burden. You are not a burden. You deserve support; we all do, we all need it. I've started doing exactly what @MamaLa mentioned, too. I write down reminders to my future self that I've survived the panic before and that it will eventually stop. Because in those dark states, the withdrawal literally overwrites any sense of hope. Sometimes firmly telling my brain to "stop telling me stories" helps a bit. But it's so hard when you get so lost in it that you forget they are just withdrawal stories. In my experience, this chemical panic loves to latch onto your actual real-world worries, which makes it extra difficult to recognize that it's just the withdrawal talking. Big hugs, Gigi