DeNy

The crisis began in 2022 – 2023, emerging from a period of high stress, significant weight loss (110kg), and high caffeine intake. The shift occurred over two days involving cough syrup; the first dose caused a strange sense of being detached from the body, while the second triggered a state of episodic Depersonalization/Derealization (DPDR). By August – December 2023, a prescription of Flupentixol/Melitracen was introduced. Following medical advice to simply quit the medication, a cold-turkey withdrawal ensued, leading to thirty days of total insomnia and a state of constant, extreme DPDR. From December 2023 – Mid-2024, to manage the fallout of the withdrawal through a cocktail of Clonazepam, Amitriptyline, and Chlordiazepoxide, which resulted in chemical coma like sleep and a sharp decline in cognitive function and memory. When Amitriptyline was later swapped for Trifluoperazine and the Clonazepam dose was increased to 2mg, the reaction was immediate and severe. Profound memory loss set in, significant weight gain followed, and the state of health became so fragile that life became entirely house-bound and I had adverse reactions daily from trifluoperazine. A period of stabilization arrived between June 2024 - March 2025. After quitting Trifluoperazine and holding Clonazepam at 1.5mg ( reduced from 2mg ) for six months, a successful water micro-taper brought the dosage down to 1.24mg.During this window,functionality returned (at least that's what I think), driving was possible, sleep was partially restorative, and even caffeine was tolerated again. The weight gained from previous medications was entirely lost. However, a new and terrifying crash occurred in April – May 2025. ( throughout this time i was using the water clonazepam taper using a jar which had a wooden lid ) A single dose of a PPI followed by another PPI and an anticholinergic triggered a collapse characterized by vomiting and orthostatic hypotension. Crucially, this crash rendered the body immediately and profoundly intolerant to caffeine; as a result, a daily caffeine habit had to be quit abruptly (cold-turkey), which introduced a massive new strain to the nervous system. Following this, the 1.24mg of Clonazepam became paradoxical, causing cycles of euphoria and rage, pinpoint pupils, and a feeling of overdose. Only then did the physical symptoms spiral into 10/10 tinnitus, restless legs, severe akathisia, and movement disorders, including dyskinesia, dystonia, and catatonia, TMJ issues (literally everything happened), alongside profound amnesia. June – July 2025, a hospital admission for weakness and diarrhea led to a rapid one-week taper from 1.24mg down to 0mg by the doctors, followed by an immediate reinstatement to 1mg upon discharge by myself. This created a new baseline where movement issues were replaced by a numb/anesthesia/freeze state.This was where I had dissociative amnesia, where only factual recall remained and a complete disconnection from bodily signals like taste and smell, and a sense of living on autopilot felt as if it was being controlled. August – October 2025, this state of profound anesthesia/freeze/numb persisted. The Numbness Dissociative amnesia state only deepened ( throughout this time period I was taking thiamine pills and B vitamins daily until I came back home from an abroad trip in november then I quit the vitamins ). Besides that, my diet was all over the place. November 2025 The baseline throughout this month was marked by minute by minute amnesia and frozen biological functions in the gut and urinary system, and everywhere. Between the months, a strict diet was implemented. Suddenly, reintroducing thiamine pills triggered a panic attack, followed by an emotional release, followed by dumping symptoms. This month I experienced a cycle of frozen functions versus agitation, with rare neurological breakthroughs like a visual memory flash and colorless recall, even as the general baseline remained a blank stare. December 2025 Early in the month,insight blindness (not fully as I was aware but the feeling) and a sensory void became the norm. During the month, an emergency hospital visit for respiratory distress resulted in treatment with steroids and oxygen, leaving behind eye pressure and dysphoria. Nightly clonazepam caused paradoxical reactions ranging from euphoria to suffocating/coma/freeze-like states. Toward the end of the month, the baseline shifted to include cognitive fragmentation. The lack of insight became intense, and sleep hovered at a poor 3-6 hours, occasionally marked by brief colorless memories following flares of GI issues. January 2026 The new year brought an active micro-taper ( this time I started using milk-taper) , with the Clonazepam dose being reduced incrementally throughout the month. This period saw the formal codification of intense DPDR, alongside symptoms of jamais vu, feeling drunk, and foreign thinking. After stressors spiked symptoms to a 9.5/10, the medication became fully stimulatory some nights. Throughout the rest of the month, as the dose was aggressively lowered, the medication began causing insatiable hunger, and by this time gained a lot of weight. In January, I tried colostrum supplement and probiotics until I quit all February 2026: The month began with a continued aggressive taper, dropping the dosage further as the weeks progressed. During the month, Personality Changes was formally added to a baseline alongside interoceptive dissociation and amnesia. A dose reduction triggered an immediate panic attack following the suspension, after which sleep crashed to only two hours and cognitive symptoms like altered thinking and a loss of social filter were grafted onto the daily experience. As the taper continued, GI distress flared, and a distressing new physical symptom emerged: overwhelming urges to move the face, lips, legs, and hands as the medication continues to leave the system. March 2026: from March 15 through March 24, the baseline settled into a highly rigid and repetitive pattern. Cognitive and sensory symptoms remained 9/10, reflecting the persistence of the profound amnesia, DPDR, and sensory void established earlier in the year. In contrast, physical symptoms were consistently logged at a lower, stable baseline of 3/10. A strict, unchanging daily structure was maintained throughout this period. Normal food intake occurred regularly in the early afternoon and late evening, followed by a nightly dose of Clonazepam consistently taken just before midnight. Sleep remained fractured and non-restorative, with morning logs indicating approximately 4 to 5 hours of low-quality sleep, though minor tracking anomalies appeared in the data as the week progressed. April 2026: Through the first thirteen days of the month, the baseline for cognitive and sensory symptoms remained 8/10, while physical symptoms showed a slight shift to a stable 6/10. The nightly protocol of Clonazepam suspension remained consistent, yet its effects became increasingly paradoxical and stimulating. Logs suggested I was stumbling with high stimulation, episodes where breathing felt restricted, and mental flashes that occurred immediately after taking the medication. A pervasive pattern of being simultaneously stimulated and sedated took hold, often manifesting as racing thoughts and a sense of physical agitation. Sleep quality fluctuated wildly between 6-8 hour stretches and 0-2 hour crash on April 5th, ultimately averaging in the 3-5 hour range as the mid month mark approached. May 2026: The month was a stabilization of the taper, with the Clonazepam dosage holding steady at 0.833mg following a microreduction on May 10th. Despite this plateau, the cognitive and sensory baseline remained locked at a severe 8/10 to 9/10, while physical symptoms hovered consistently around 6/10. This period was marked by a desperate attempt to go to dermatology for fungal skin issues, which was met with immediate and violent resistance from the nervous system. On May 17th, an attempted trip to the hospital resulted in a total autonomic collapse midway through a vehicle journey, a severe crash occurred, I experienced air hunger,felt like I was suffocating, and profuse sweating, forcing an immediate retreat midway and mom dragged me back to house quickly. Another attempt on May 20th to reach a dermatology appointment was successful but came at a severe crash. The journey was marked by intense panic attacks and a profound dissociative state where the front of my brain felt non-functional , leaving a sensation of staring into a complete mental abyss. While sleep quality showed rare flashes of Superb 6–8 hour stretches toward the end of the month, the daily experience remained a jarring paradox of being stimulated yet numb. Dietary fluctuations including lapses into junk food and a suspected caffeine induced migraine ( dark chocolate ) on May 24th further complicated the baseline, which ended the month in a state of severe dp/dr and a return to a clean diet June 2026: my baseline stuck at 9/10 for Neuro-Psych and 8/10 for Sensory symptoms. I introduced a daily antifungal cream (for my fungal skin), but my nightly Clonazepam dose immediately proved problematic. On one specific day early on, I noted the suspension tasted sour and numbed my mouth, but overall the nightly dose quickly escalated into paradoxical feelings of being intensely stimulated. I logged into hell. My fragile nervous system was pushed to the absolute brink between June 7th and 8th when a severe cold forced me to go out to the hospital and a clinic. Navigating the streets in a vehicle for a health check up triggered a 10/10 stress sensory nightmare, though I survived. By mid-month, my diet was back to junk. Triggered by staying up for UFC events and external stress over land issues, my protocol devolved into junk food binges, causing a spike across all my symptom categories to a 10/10 maximum. I attempted minor interventions like green tea for caffeine on June 11th and Vitamin D+K on June 14th and 25th, but the nightly medication continued to cause severe reactions. I had x``where I could not breathe properly, felt like I was in psychosis, and experienced profound emotional instability. The month culminated in a terrifying climax on June 28th: despite returning to a clean diet, a massive 1000/1000 panic attack struck at night. I genuinely thought I was losing touch with reality. This forced me into a complete reset day where I halted the antifungal cream. I ended the month with a doctor appointment, feeling absolutely destroyed, calling it quits for a period of radical rest. July 2026: began in the chaotic fallout of my late June collapse. On July 1st, a combination of junk food and caffeine ( again black chocolate ) triggered an autonomic and physical reaction 10/10 diarrhea, trapped gas, and a full night of psychological torture. The first half of the month was marked by intense instability, with my baseline symptoms frequently maxing out at 10/10/10. Further blood draws around July 4th, combined with waking up early for world cup games, severely drained my system. My attempts to stabilize were constantly derailed by dietary lapses, including more junk food, a caffeine dose ( chocolate ) on July 9th that caused weird brain symptoms, and a severe reaction to eating wasabi. By mid-July ,again started Low FODMAP diet to try and regain some control. However, late-night FIFA matches severely disrupted my sleep architecture, triggering panic, intrusive thoughts, and an anxious, euphoric racing head. The nightly Clonazepam dose continued its paradoxical assault, shifting my state into a confusing mix of stimulation, stumbling, and blankness, though surprisingly, I still manage to sleep. A severe morning panic attack with intrusive images hit me on July 21st, and an attempt to add beef to my Low FODMAP diet on July 24th backfired immediately. The month closed with my physical symptom baseline slightly lowered to a 7/10, but my brain felt uncomfortably awake. I was left battling racing thoughts, sudden panic attacks, and a persistent, paradoxical feeling of being simultaneously stimulated and wasted.

Current: Clonazepam nightly (100ml:1mg, Milk suspension, [16.9,ml REMOVED] Aug – Dec 2023: Flupentixol/Melitracen. Dec 2023: Cold Turkey (CT). Dec 2023 – Apr 2024: Clonazepam (up to 2mg), Amitriptyline, Chlordiazepoxide. Apr – June: Trifluoperazine + 2mg Clonazepam. June: CT Trifluoperazine. Only on Clonazepam. July – Mar 2025: Tapered 1.5mg to 1.24mg. Apr 1, 2025: PPI + Anticholinergic. CT Caffeine. (Clonazepam 1.24mg became paradoxical). June: Hospitalization. Rapid Taper 1.24mg to 0mg (1 week). June: Reinstated to 1mg Clonazepam.Jul,Aug,Sep,Oct,Nov,Dec (HOLD) Jan 2026: 0.945mg. Feb: 0.93mg. Mar: 0.875mg. Apr: 0.843mg. May: 0.833mg. Jun: 0.833mg. Jul: 0.831mg.